Our last visit to California before two becomes three

34 weeks - in California

At the start of our 33rd week we were busy packing the cooler with frozen raw milk and snacks, loading up our bags and pillows, checking the oil and filling up the gas tank for our trip South to San Luis Obispo, thus, there is no 33 week photo.

The highlights of our trip:

1. all the time we were able to spend with both sides of the family

2. the fact that we only added 1.5 hours to our drive time on the way down, and only 1 hour on the way back - due to pee breaks and walking about

3. the blessing of a baby shower for our little Ant, complete with delish food and plenty of amazing women, and gifts, did I mention the gifts!

4. watching Andy hang out with our 5 year-old nephew and play G.I. Joes, which completely distracted me from taking a nap

It was during this time when Bridge loaded up a couple of GI Joe's into a spaceship (the Mario Cart Wii Wheel), flew by me as I lay on the couch, stopped for a moment, looked at me intently and said, "I like your hair Aunt Meg"

The low-lights of the trip:

1. the cold that hit me like a flu - without the fever - that took me out of commission for 3 days

2. the cancelled plans with family and friends, due to #1

3. the things I didn't get to check off my list of fun things to do, again, blame #1

4. cutting the trip a day short so I could get home and have an extra day to recoup before returning to real life

our other adventures:

1. Tess' water polo game

2. A visit with Cash

3. Sword fighting

4. Wrestling

5. Fabric shopping for the baby's quilt

6. lunch with Gramps 2 times

7. a visit from Yosemite with my brother and SIL

8. breakfast the morning we left with my mom, and inlaws

This is one of the kids that made me wonder what our boy will grow to be. He loves his Uncle Andy and his

Grandpa, it was so rad for me to see all week.

this is Cash - my brother's dog

After a week of much rest and a long drive, we left California behind and returned happily home to our little house to find our neighbor across the street still sporting her Christmas lights.

It's good to be back.

To be or not to be pregnant

Let's talk about something. Pregnancy

3 Things.

1. No we're not
2. Yes we'd like it if we were
3. Yes we'd be happy if we weren't

There have been a lot of years and a lot of changes in our marriage, nine of the former, hundreds of the latter. One of them has been the issue of whether or not to have a child.

Many things ruled the decision not to have children. If you know me or have read this blog for any number of months you know the biggest reason was the loss of our first child while we were pregnant eight years ago and the pain and fear that resulted in this loss.

That decision was then coupled with the fact that Andy was in school and our best friends were also married without children. (Two couple without children makes for many spontaneous moments).

Well. During the past three years all of these things have changed. The grieving and feelings of loss had turned to peace and the pain and fear was gone. Andy had graduated and we bought our first house and our best friend's marriage ended in a divorce.

Yes, everything had changed.

During this same time I felt a desire to be a mother. I knew I wouldn't be the same mother I would've been eight years ago, and it made me that much happier with the idea. I was happy in my marriage and loved my husband more than I ever had and I was happy thinking of loving him as he was a father to our child. Basically, nature was calling my name, and the name I heard was, mother.

I don't like people that do things half-ass, so obviously I don't want to do anything half-ass either. So, I dove in to research of natural family planning and fertility awareness, and I educated myself. I stopped taking the occasional drag off a cigarette, I decreased my consumption of caffeine and alcohol, I cared about what I was eating and took my vitamins....and I became obsessed with making a baby.

My frustration set in as that ONE day out of the month came and went. The egg dropped. The sperm swam and then 12 days later, the period began. Perfectly on time, like clockwork. Like no effort had been made at all. Month after month, after month. The sad part in all this was instead of my pursuit being love toward my husband, it was to make a baby, (like I said, I was obsessed after all).

When I realized that, something changed again. Me. My heart. My desires.

You see, for me it isn't about fulfilling some biblical commandment, it isn't about finding my self-worth in being a mother or raising an amazing person that will grow up to change the world.

If I have a child, I don't want their first 18 years of life to be lived under some umbrella of my purpose in life, or my desire to fulfill some missing piece of me. If I have a child it will be because someone wiser than me thinks it's what's best, just as he thought it was best that he take our first son before he took his first breath.

It's about trust. Trust in a creator that knows best. And knowing that whichever way it turns out I'll be happy and fulfilled - either way. For real.

p.s. Don't worry, if it happens I'll let you know.

sometimes love surprises you

There was a time when you loved him just because. There was a time when you loved him because he smiled and held on tight and made you feel gushy inside. There was a time when you loved him, even though it was tough, but because you had history you loved him.
And then there was the time when you loved him because you got to know him in a way you'd never known him before, his personality, his likes and dislikes, his temperament, his shy behavior, his excitement when he sees you and runs and grabs onto your legs...

I'm of course talking about Zain...(for this post anyways, but in reality, I feel like this about most all kids, and especially all the kids in my family.)

There's and a journey love seems to take when you watch a baby from month to month - sometimes from a distance, and at times with months in between but - the child grows and changes before your eyes, and the love I have for all my these kids grows and changes too.

This was the French family's first trip to see our new house...with a little one in tow and one on the way, you can see how few and far between visits like this may be, and so we cherished it.

What should I begin with? To answer all of the classic questions first, I'll just say, "yes."


Yes he opened and shut doors and cupboards. Yes he took dvd's off he shelf. Yes he wanted to help shut the fridge door every time it opened. Yes he ended up playing with tupperware on the floor. Yes he wanted to play in the cat dish. Yes the cat ran away from him and hid under the bed the entire time he was here.

But more importantly, he has a personality all his own and I love him for it.
He looooves couches and so he would sit and squish and bounce and roll all over the couch, for like, ever.



He also loves shoes, or bringing people shoes, or helping people put on their shoes, or maybe he just loves going outside and this is his way of telling you, "let's go outside." I don't know for sure which part of the shoe thing he loves, but the point is, he walks over to where your shoes are and brings them to you and holds one while you put the other one on, and watches intently as you do.



Don't ask me how he knew, cause Andy has like 3 pairs of shoes by the door, but Zain went and got the ones he'd been wearing earlier and brought them to him and held one while he put one on and then watched while he tied the second one. Too much. Look how serious he is about the whole thing.



He also loves Andy. Like goes to him and asks him to pick him up. Sits with him at the table, not like every minute of every day, but enough to make me melt a little bit inside.



And he's shy. Soo freaking adorable. This is one of his shy moments.



Oh and he loves Magic (the gathering)



...BOXES.

He also pitched in with the laundry. So that was cool.



Check out this freakin adorable family. Bam!



And another boy is on the way. So lock up your daughters now, cause if his brother's half as cute as Z...oh and they're also going to be genius level smart, I know it's not fair.

Weekend visit countdown.

Today we woke up, Andy made me breakfast in bed, I was lazily signing up for NaNoWriMo, and writing my earlier blog, and then we proceded to clean the house...we're awaiting the arrival of our dear friends, Andy & Jen. Along with them will be little Mister...you remember little Mister...









Well...he's grown up...he walks, talks-ish, and is a little person



What am I going to do with a little person in the house? I guess we'll see how things would be if we had a little person of our own in the house...no I'm not announcing anything mom and marianne. :-)

Stay tuned for pictures from our weekend adventure...if I can get him to stand still and pose for a photo or two.

a last ride for now

good bye. we miss you.

free food.

Whoever thought that buying a house would get us free food? Here's the picture book of how it all came to be.



It all began when a visitor landed on our couch, that we quickly turned into a comfy bed...more on her later, cause she had a super special day while visiting (her birthday!)

Which led to the great harvest of our apple tree. We think we've scored a Gravenstein Apple Tree and so we had quite the adventure gathering our plunder.









And not to be forgotten are the two pear trees that have just started to produce edible treats...





So. Of course, after the picking and the washing, came the peeling, and the cutting, and the boiling. We added the juice of one small lemon and a cup of water per pot.






To the second batch we added about 5 TBS of honey



and a few shakes of cinnamon




We filled all the containers I could find with three types of applesauce, plain (just the tad bit of lemon juice and water), honey and cinnamon, and the final was a glorious pear-applesauce (a bit of honey right at the end.) Each pot boiled for about ten minutes and whalla. Applesauce for everyone!



Not to be outdone, the dessert apples squealed with glea as they became a part of the famous apple crisps recipe. Which I am proud to say, because of our glorious apples, I only used an eighth of a cup of brown sugar in the topping and no other sugar or honey or anything...these apples are heavenly.

The apples have a coating of fresh lemon juice, cinnamon, and wheat flour



The topping includes oats, wheat germ, whole wheat flour, a bit of brown sugar and butter.



Piled high, apple juice (unfiltered cider is best) to cover dish a 1/2 inch high. and....bake.



After that...fresh pasta (no I didn't make it), fresh veggies and a blend of shrimp, calamari rings, and scallops in a slow cooked mushroom cream sauce (I used coconut milk instead of cream and parmesan rind to thicken, no one noticed it wasn't heavy cream...it was soo good.)


Two of our dearest friends (they're both family in ways completely different from one another)



A perfect end to a perfect day. Hot out of the oven. Sweet goodness.