A little talk about induction

Now for the word on everyone's mind: INDUCTION

A few things for everyone to remember:

1. We didn't have an ultrasound to determine a due date until well after the 12-14 week cut off - but for reference, the ultrasound due date was March 22nd

2. Based on my cycle, which I charted for almost 2 years prior to getting pregnant, I don't have a typical 28 day cycle, which is how they determine a due date when basing it on the first day of your last period.

So here's the deal.

The first day of my last period - based on a 28 day cycle - would have landed us at a March 24th due date. BUT, because my cycles are longer than 28 days, we have to add 5-7 days to that date - make sense? This puts our due date between March 29th and March 31st.

Which means that since it's now April 3rd, we are most likely only 3 days past due.

During our first BPP ultrasound, Friday March 26th the baby's head measured at 39 weeks, 3 days - which would also align with the late March due date.

There have been no signs of fetal distress, low levels of amniotic fluid, or any placenta degradation.

For us, we are focused on educating ourselves before being scared into doing something that isn't necessary for our son, and at this stage, there isn't any medical reason to induce labor.

As I mentioned in the last post, we had another BPP yesterday and saw more improvement on his position and no signs of anything to cause concern. Next week we're potentially going to go see an obgyn with our midwife and he will conduct a stress test to provide us with more information on the boy.

But until then, we're readjusting our thoughts and resting in the peace of the knowledge that he is healthy and thriving and it's just not his birth day yet.

April 3rd Pregnant and Updating

It's been a few days, and frankly the reason there's been no updates is cause there's been nothing to update. Really. Nothing. No contractions, no news. Just a whole lot of nothing.

Alright, technically we've been kind of busy...it just hasn't affected labor or anything.

After last friday's BPP and the knowledge that the boys head was down and engaged, but facing out to the right, we scheduled time with Anita to do some baby adjusting.

Basically, she pushed his head out of the pelvis and then we used gravity and some soft rocking of his body to help re-engage him...and it worked, pretty quickly too.

Then yesterday, Friday April 2nd, we went in for another BPP. This time the technician didn't exactly inspire confidence in any of us...for one she said she measured the baby's head smaller that it measured last week, and put his weight around 7 lbs...totally not possible at this stage. And don't worry, it's not as though he is shrinking, these ultrasounds are not accurate in anyone's book, the technicians make disclaimers throughout the exam about how it isn't accurate for determining gestation, weight or size in any way. But it left us with a few good bits of information.

1. He remains in a head down, engaged position
2. He is now facing my spine - a perfect birthing position
3. He passed the test's requirements for healthy and thriving
4. His heartbeat is strong
5. Amniotic fluid is at good levels

He didn't really move a ton for her, it was 8am and I was squishing him with a bladder full of 40 ounces of water so I don't blame him, but he's moving and shakin for me all the time so there's that.

We've done a lot of walking, up hills, around bends and in the pouring rain. I've tried to stay busy, which sometimes means taking naps and other times means going into work and gettin things done. The past 3 days I've actually felt really good, physically and emotionally. He will arrive when he's ready and it will be glorious and I will be awesome at it.

Stay tuned: Next up, a talk about INDUCTION

March 29th Mid-day Pregnancy Update

So. Who's tired of updates that don't include news of a birth?...Me for one, but that's not the attitude we're trying to nurture, so I'll turn off the sarcastic anxiousness and get down to the facts.

Sunday was good. We relaxed most of the day at home, with walks sprinkled throughout.

I had a good bout of contractions in the morning for a few hours, then each time we walked they would pick up a bit again for an hour or two, but then subsided fairly soon. They were not very strong and only lasted 20-40 seconds.

In the afternoon from about 5pm till 7:30pm there was another round of very promising contractions every 8-10 minutes, but again, they were not very intense and only lasted for about 30-45 seconds.

Side Note: I can be totally accurate on these figures because of a free app I downloaded to my phone. All we do is press a start contraction or end contraction button and the app does the rest, calculates the time, intervals, averages...and then throws it into a little chart....all very useful and for this purpose, makes the details of the update easy peasy.

Then, last night for about 2 hours, around 10pm-12am I experienced some very strong rushes that lasted between 1:30-2 minutes each and hit every 12-15 minutes. I had to breath through them and block out anything outside of myself....meaning the episode of Buffy we were watching at the time.

I went to sleep fairly quickly after these and was woken up a few times, but didn't check the time or focus on the contraction, cause I was in sleep mode. But when I woke up this morning my back muscles were really sore, like they had been worked out pretty hard, so I suspect I may have experienced more contractions that didn't wake me up.

BUT - I woke up at 7am and haven't had a contraction all day - it's noon now. So. I cleaned the kitchen, made a big breakfast, went for a 45 minute walk in the pouring rain and now we're going to meet some friends at the bowling alley. I'm in need of some getting out of the house and laughing with good people, so what better place to do it than the bowling alley?

We'll see Anita, our midwife, this afternoon and she check what's going on in there, but until then...I'm off to root for some friends and make some outrageous bets on skill as people throw big balls at misshapen wood.

March 28th AM Pregnancy Update

This is an update, mostly so peeps know what's going on...which in a nutshell is a lot of preparation.

Saturday was a great day! Mid-morning, we pulled in a good stretch of contractions happening 10-12 minutes apart for about 3 hours.

Then nothing.

We went out to Trader Joe's, and just as we pulled up, a nice contraction hit. (This was around 5:45pm.)

We decided not to time them exactly and just let them occur without inhibition, but they were coming less than 10 minutes apart and lasting between 1 min 30 and just under 2 minutes.

This period lasted until around 8:30/9:00pm, and although there were some very strong and progressively longer contractions, things pretty much ceased for the night after that.

I was awoken during the early hours of the morning, beginning around 4:30am, with yet more contractions, but I was able to go back to sleep after they would pass. So far the last one I was awake for was at about 7:45am.

I spoke to Anita, our midwife, this morning and she was very encouraging, things are getting ready and I need to remain in a feeling of 'blessed' that I have hours of rest. All of this is preparation for the main event, and from what I'm hearing from other mothers - days of bouts of contractions have made their births easier and faster.

We are positive and hopeful...and since the boy is moving like a champ in there, there's nothing to worry about.

The Final Countdown and how it really doesn't mean anything

An update of the pregnancy kind.

37 weeks

37 1/2 weeks

38 weeks

The countdown.

The countdown is tricky. For starters, the weeks listed under all my photos is based on the March 22nd due date that we've been counting down to since October. But the 'let's be prepared' countdown (due date of March 14th) puts us at 39 weeks as of today.

Both of these numbers give me some anxious thoughts. I know he will come in his time and when the moment is the most perfect for him and at this moment he is very content in my womb, so that is where I think he should be.

The anxiousness comes in to play because of the unexpected. I'm not worried about the birth, and conversely I'm not hating being pregnant (as you know from my last post, this pregnancy has been pretty much a breeze.)

The unexpected simply means that I think a lot - when will it all begin? When will my body and his body become in sync and start the process? When will the first contraction hit me? I don't worry about how long my labor will be, or how tough or if he'll be alright. I wonder when it will finally start. So every day, I get prepared. I settle things at work at the end of each day, in case I won't return the next. I make sure there is food in the house and that things are cleanish and organized before I go to bed, in case I'm not able to do it in the morning. But, I also make plans and schedule things for the next day or the week to come. I have to-do lists and things on the calendar. I don't like limbo, and I certainly don't like not going ahead with life and letting anxiety take over.

I don't want to be disappointed when a date comes and goes. I don't want to feel discouraged or concerned, cause let's face it, the whole due date thing it's kind of arbitrary to begin with and having a countdown seems really counter productive, especially to me and my desire to never fail.

This whole last part of pregnancy is really teaching me something major. I am not in control. And this doesn't equal failure. Usually I set a goal and work until my fingers bleed to accomplish it and to accomplish it over and above what is called for. I work hard to achieve success and complete a goal. But that's not up to me in this situation...the end goal may have something to do with me, my determination and the preparation to get me through the labor to the birth. But I don't get to say when and start it when I'm ready. And I'm learning to be good with that.

In the end I think I may be terrible at waiting, but I'm super great at being prepared. And if you haven't heard, I'm going to be so awesome at birth. Just wait. So awesome.

Am I a mother? part 1 ?

32 weeks

This time around, being pregnant and anticipating becoming a mother has led me to a lot more existential thinking than the first time when I was 21. It could very well have to do with age, it being 9 years later and all, but I think it has more to do with the community that we've been a part of for most of those 9 years and the understanding I have that God does not just require of us to consider our spiritual existential beliefs, but our existential beliefs in all areas of our lives.

For me to be a good parent, I want to consider the potential reasons behind a decision we make that will affect our child and I want to look to the future and begin to understand now how our relationship with him and with one another will change, prior to the change just happening to us. I want to be an active participant in the changes.

This in no way means I want to control everything or anything crazy like that, I just think there is some wisdom in critically thinking about things. I mean, right? Common sense, no?

One of the things I've considered for a long time is the idea of losing myself when I become a mother, which led me to consider when is the moment I become a mother, as in when exactly does this happen? For some women I think this takes place the moment they find out they're pregnant. I am going to make an argument against this (which I began in a previous post 'deep thoughts, beware'), because it was obvious by my thoughts about 'losing myself' that I did not consider myself someone's mother yet, so I had to ask myself why and when.

1. Is the role of life source the role of a mother?

It is true, I am a life source for my son. I nourish him, I create a healthy environment for him to grow and thrive, I play a huge role in how his development occurs. But is this the role of a mother or not? Personally, I would rather look at this time a little differently.

For me to eat a healthy diet, and to make certain that I am consuming or supplementing the appropriate vitamins etc, may have something to do with growing another human - he needs more of or a different variety to grow - but it should not be the only reason I do this. I should do this for myself, to be a healthy human. But does doing this for his growth now fall under the category of being his mother? Or does it simply fall under the category of being an incubator?

For me this argument can be carried throughout decisions I seem to have made simply because I am pregnant, but they are because I am a life source, not because I am a mother.

Mostly I lean toward this argument because of something I've previously expressed. The bond of parent and child is essential, but the insane need for us all (me, Andy & boy) to be individuals is much greater (or I believe it should be, it is healthier for all parties). If I am not an individual or don't have a healthy self worth than how can I expect my son to? If I am not responsible for my actions or accountable for them because I can blame it on something (example: I'm a mother, I don't have time to take care of myself etc) then how does this teach my son that he is accountable and responsible for his actions?

This all brings me back to the idea that I am not someone's mother yet. There is no learning going on between my actions now and my son, I am not teaching him anything. But when he is born, that's exactly what will be happening. And in return he will help inform me of how to be his mother once he is here and interacting with me. I can think of nothing better than raising a son based on who he is rather than on my expectations of him.

Sure it's possible that one day he'll know (from me) about how his life began and what I did to help him grow, but if this is where I "begin" our relationship then it is purely a selfish act.

Obviously, this is not a closed discussion nor is it over, but I'd love to hear feedback, especially from all my young mother friends, and perhaps even more so from my friends who are not mothers as I think you may be able to lend an opinion from an outside perspective.

How time goes by in just the right amount

30 weeks

31 weeks

As we round the corner to our 32nd week, the comments from people are a derivative of one of the following:

It seems like you've been pregnant forever

or

It has gone by so fast

I guess that all depends on perspective right?

I feel like it has been just the right amount of time. I'm not anxious either way...to get it over with or to keep it going longer. I'm content where we're at and I have been this entire time. I hope this continues and I'm confident that with the right perspective, it will.

One of the strangest things I've discovered while being pregnant is the amount of statements rather than questions I hear in regards to my pregnancy. For instance, people don't ask how it has felt for me, long, short, just right? They just tell me how it's been for them. I find this peculiar at least.

But it doesn't end with this small area, it ripples throughout any comment I make online, or any person I speak to about the pregnancy. I have to say, some of the best advice I have been given was by another new mother. She said, don't take advice or listen to just one person, hear it all, but decide what's best for you and your baby. This wasn't some kind of epiphany, but it made me realize that this isn't an isolated occurrence, this happens to a lot of pregnant women. I know very well that no one knows me, or my diet, or my habits, or my history like I do, except for maybe Andy, and we all know that no two people are alike, so of course no two pregnancies are going to be alike. So what is this need to give advice when it isn't solicited?

Don't get me wrong, I hear it all, some of it is really helpful, I'm just pondering the reasoning behind it.

The advice I was given may seem like common sense, and typically to the person hearing the unsolicited advice or opinions, this is common sense, but I ponder more why this isn't common sense for the people handing out the advice or opinions. And I ponder even more why people are so quick to offer their advice or opinions about pregnancy when I don't even ask for them. Is this how it will be all during parenthood too? Will people always assume that you don't know what you're doing cause you're 'new at this'? That's kind of annoying.

I have a few ideas, but they're probably offensive, so I'd rather people just tell me why they do it instead of me pissing off everyone.

A snapshot at the first half

Facts about this whole pregnancy thing (about mine, not in general)

1. My daily calorie intake increased dramatically when I found out I was pregnant - from 1100/1200 to 1800/1900

2. I haven't had alcohol since 2 weeks prior to getting pregnant

3. I weened myself off full caff coffee straight away, and multiple cups in a day, to a single half caff cup each morning.

4. I've been taking prenatal vitamins and fish oil for over a year now and last week added in extra magnesium, D vitamin, cod liver oil, and vitamin C

5. I've been off high-fructose corn syrup and refined anything (excluding the occasional splurge) for almost the same year

6. I drink raw milk and eat farm fresh eggs

7. Since getting pregnant I've added beef to my diet. (All our meat is hormone and additive free)

8. I stopped wearing shoes with heels and discovered two things: all my pants are way to long and everyone else is much taller than I realized.

9. I brought the nightly walk back into my life.

10. My metabolism increased to the degree that I lost almost 20 lbs, I didn't have any morning sickness that led to throwing up at all, and just 2 weeks ago (at 21 weeks) finally started gaining weight again.

23 weeks and still counting

No I'm not warm enough.

All of these beautiful women I know, and some that I don't, are posting a week's worth of Fall Fashion. They are adorable and so fun to check out.

Here's a few that I've been spying on.

Emery @ Mom's are for everyone
Mama Bird @ Three Birds.
Jilian Dee @ Jilian Dee & Dexter too!
Amanda @ Lullabies to Terrorize.
Marianne & Baby Penny @ Ancora Imparo
Indy & Summer @ a shot in the dark.
Mrs. Boo Radley @ just like camping.
sarah @ the banshee tree

Meanwhile. My clothes are stretching to fit over my growing tummy and many items in my wardrobe are becoming impractical. It was so cold last night that I went to the coat closet to get out a heavy jacket and realized that none of my winter coats are going to fit me this year. None. This whole growing belly thing is going to be a real challenge come the really cold days. Also, my leggings, that I wear all the time under everything when it's cold, finally ripped to the degree that they're no longer 'leggings'. Does anyone have ideas that will help keep my tummy warm through the winter?

And, here's a photo of the first ever booties I knit for Ant. He'll be totally warm after his exit from the belly. I emphatically apologize for the gross quality of these photos, but the iphone is the simplest, quickest way to take and post photos of random things like baby booties.



And, here's the next pair I'm working on, in a soft gray.


Annnd, I'm off to knit.

I thought you should know

We're pregnant.
the image above is not our stick, but
one posted by a dear friend who I wrote about
in a previous post. I stole her image cause they're
always prettier than mine.

Where to begin, I guess the day we found out.
The morning after I wrote the post about our friends being pregnant, I woke up and haphazardly decided to pee on a stick. My early morning decision was made for two reasons.
1. I had 2 tests left in the box I had bought the month prior
2. I assumed I would start my period that morning, and when I didn't I figured, what the heck, let's pee on a stick

After I replaced the cap, I set the stick on the edge of the sink, unintentionally upside down and proceeded to brush my teeth. What I recalled later (after we knew) was that 2 lines had appeared in the window before I had even laid it down.

As I brushed my teeth, I walked into the kitchen where Andy was making breakfast, and a moment of clarity hit me --TWO LINES?!?! I slowly walked back to the bathroom and turned the stick over. TWO lines stared me in the face. I couldn't think. I put one foot in front of the other and somehow ended up standing in the threshold to the kitchen, holding the stick and shaking.

Andy noticed me and said, "hey, you're shaking"
I held out the stick to him.
"you're pregnant!"

The rest of the day was a blur...all I could think was, I'm pregnant.

The next morning I took another test (cause why not? And if the first one was right, then I wouldn't be needing the last one in the box anytime soon.) And this time, the 'pregnant' line was darker than the 'it's working' line and appeared the second after I peed on it. It was just the little nudge I needed to really believe it was true.

My friend called her doctor to go in for a blood test to 'make sure' she was pregnant (she peed on two sticks also) and the doctor's office said something to the effect of, 'if the home test says positive, it's positive, you're pregnant. You can always get a false negative, but you can never get a false positive.'

Which leads me to June. In June, when all of you thought I was pregnant, me included, and my pee test came out negative, THAT was a false negative. I don't think my body had produced enough hCG for the stick to detect that I was pregnant because implantation was still happening when I took the test (which I thought was the shortest, lightest period I'd ever had).

We've either told personally, or attempted to tell all the people in our life this news one on one. But it's been about 5 1/2 weeks since we found out, and some times the stars don't align for the personal message to be communicated. At this point, just imagine you're all in our backyard at a fantastic bbq, and we just made our announcement. Now come give me a hug!

So. When we get further along, measurements will help determine a firm time frame. But for now, our midwife places us at 15 weeks today, with a due date in mid-february.