Wednesday, September 2, 2009

louder than words

After the 5 1/2 weeks of waiting to officially announce to the world (meaning the internet) that we're having a baby, I questioned my reasons again last night and realized that not only was I legitimately waiting to tell friends in person still, but I also had fear ebb and flow through my thoughts.

I wanted to get into my fifth month, to hear the baby's heartbeat and movement in my tummy before fully committing to telling the world. Because a part of me was afraid. Afraid that if we lost this baby like we lost our first son then I would have to make the devastating announcement to the internet...something I didn't have to do eight years ago.

I can't begin to describe the freedom I felt in staring the fear square in the eyes and hitting publish on my last blog. And when we sat in the room with our midwife this morning and heard Baby's heartbeat for the first time, there wasn't the sense of relief that would have been paired if the fear had still been there. Instead there was pure excitement and an overwhelming emotion of love. To share this moment with my husband might just be my favorite memory to date.

7 comments:

sufferingsummer said...

I know that fear all to well and I agree the staring it in the face or more like punching it right in the nose is such an awesome way to deal with it and really the best for your mental sanity in the long run! Good for you and may the overwhelming emotion of love just keep on flowing!

meg said...

I hear that! I almost wrote "f** you" accompanied by a hand gesture, but I thought it wasn't lady like.

autumn said...

Not much can beat that little gallopy heart beat. Also, did your little one kick the doppler? That sound makes me laugh all the time.

meg said...

autumn what I didn't mention was the swimming activities Baby was doing. It was so funny. We'd hear the heartbeat for 5-10 seconds than a swoosh as Baby would swim away and she would have to wiggle around to find the heartbeat again. It brought me much joy.

MaryBeth said...

Ohhhh, I still tear up when I think about hearing David's heartbeat for the first time. I so was not prepared for how emotional of a moment that was. I am so excited for you!

Anonymous said...

So what is the offical due date??

Jen

meg said...

We were told between Feb. 15-19th, but since those are just arbitrary dates anyways, the forms all say February 17th. After ultrasounds and measurements I'm sure it will adjust.

Right now (as of yesterday) we were measuring between 16-17 weeks. Perfect as we thought we were 16 1/2 at the time of our appointment.