Tuesday, November 25, 2008

It takes a village

We had a night. The kind of night that doesn't include much sleep. We figured we'd slept from about 3:30-3:45 till about 5:30am. The sun doesn't look like it's going to make an appearance anytime soon.

Bella endured her second getting out of bed and walking with the walker while only putting pressure on one foot extravaganza since I've been here. Twice in the last 12 hours. Simply amazing. We're hoping she'll be able to get the catheter out soon, move out of the hospital, heal and get better damn it.

So I get the ice, call on the nurse for warm blankets from the "microwave", help to physically move her broken body from one position to the next. And I sit within a few feet in case she has another seizure spasm, or needs help in any other way. Someone else has been in my place all week, someone else will fill it later this morning. Apparently there are a lot of things that take a village.

It's been a long night. I am in awe of everyone that has stayed night after night or day after day. This family is tough. They are fighters. They are seriously a testament to love.

A good sleepover in the worst place

I'm here. We're hanging out. Listening to good music, going online, trying to bypass the hospital's internet so we can get on facebook. When I spoke to Andy he asked how the slumber party was going. It's going good, if good is even a word I could use.

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It's been so long, I could barely think of what it would be like. I remembered the time Flo came over while I was house sitting in the little cabin and we stayed up all night, laying in the dark talking about this and that, and boys.
Tonight there was a little talk of boys, or rather the men we love. There was definitely the staying up late, and there was partial dark.

But this was different, it was hard to just hang out and talk, there was a lot of pain. She's in as good of spirits as she can be, giving thanks in moments of excruciating pain that her daughter escaped uninjured. There is pain when she moves, and there is pain when she doesn't. The smallest task takes a very long time and brings with it new kinds of pain. But she is strong. In time she will heal.

The bed time routine was a step by step how to be a good mom routine. Complete with a shower cap that when heated and rubbed on her head, simulated a shower, complete with shampoo and conditioner

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There was the leg shaving, the changing of the sheet, the brushing of the teeth, the fresh socks and jammies, and the shower cap that washed her hair, I know this is the second mentioning of it, but trust me, it deserves that much play. This thing was amazing. Apparently the day after Bella arrived here a nurse found her one from another floor, then for the rest of the week they were "out"...yes, they're super popular.

Upon finalizing the nighttime I handed her the "breathalizer" to exercise her lungs and she responded, "you must be married to Nancy Pindell." Yes. It seems that way doesn't it? Thanks for the complement dear. All this means is that Bella has friends. Friends that seem like family. Friends that care deeply for her and her family and will do anything, anything she asks. Oh, and mostly what it means is that they'll make sure she does her exercises and gets her meds, and help her walk, and on and on and on. She is loved.

It's 1:30 am and she's beginning to doze. She wore herself out over the last 2 hours as she strained to move off the bed, inch by inch, minute by passing minute, until she stood on one leg, leaning on the walker, myself and 2 nurses. She fought the pain, held back the emotion, and slid forward inch by inch. It's a very good thing, for her to get out of the bed and attempt movement. But it's tough.

When she does fall into a quiet sleep she wakes with a start, the cramping in her legs, causes her to jump and wake herself up, which causes even that much more pain throughout her body. I hope soon you'll be able to hear in her own words what's been going on. My observations in no way depict what she and her family have been dealing with. I know she appreciates all of the well wishes, prayer, and support everyone has given her and her family. Please don't forget them this holiday. Be ever so thankful for those in your life, the love that surrounds you and the life you have to live. We are all so blessed.

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I'm set up in my own little space, right by the window with the sill covered in flowers, gifts and cards of well wishes. It's a peaceful place, but I can't wait until she finally gets to leave and be back at home with her girls and her man. Sleep tight Bella, even if it's only for 10 minutes. Rest and heal.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

me to you

Today was a really good day. We were out late at the Science show at Lucky's and we talked until early in the morning, so when eight o'clock rolled around, we stayed right where we were, in bed. We finally got up around nine and made breakfast, and little by little I woke up.

When I turned my phone on I had missed a call from Bella and after a brief conversation I had my day planned.

Andy 'n I spent hours in the back yard, getting the pond finished, and by finished I mean getting it ready to be less of a hole and more of a part of the patio. It'll be a great project to have complete...next week. Yeah. We're not done.

We took a walk together then piled leaves upon leaves in preparation for our first garden next spring. Then he dropped me off at the hospital for a few hours with Bella.

I want to keep privacy for her and her family so I won't go into much but to say that she is doing well. I will say that I am impressed with her strength. She is a beautiful woman and I am proud to call her a friend. I'm sure we'll all be hearing from her as she rejoins us in blogging world soon.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

When friends need friends.

Dear friends of ours were struck by a life altering event this past week. Their family knows grief and trial well, and watching them dealing with this event from the sidelines has been a true lesson in faith and love. It is best if you hear it from them so I'll post the links to the blogs below.

I haven't made my way to the hospital yet, we are new friends in their lives that are deeply rooted in the community we share. The are taken care of, being helped by family and friends. Really I feel like I don't know what to do. I have a sense of helplessness. I am willing and able to help in any way, but somehow I am held back, I am unsure of what I can offer. I'll call. I'll offer something. Maybe they won't need help right now, that's okay. I don't think we're going anywhere anytime soon. I'll be around six weeks from now.

They'll need people around them for a long time. If you think of it, keep their family in your thoughts and prayers. They'll need a lot of strength between them.

News Link Here
Blog Post 1
Blog Post 2

Friday, November 21, 2008

To be or not to be...spontaneous

Is it a habit or spontaneous action that brings the most joy and contentment out of life? Whoa. Wait a minute, is that really what I think the purpose of life is? Finding joy and contentment? I don't think that's what I think, or is it? I mean, that's what I just wrote right? Okay, let's not get sidetracked. That's another question all together, but not the one I'm focused on discussing. And besides, I was just trying to write a good opening sentence for those of you (everyone really, except for Marianne and Sarah) that would have no idea what this post was about since you didn't ask for it.

I know that when, or if, if or when, (don't get all excited Marianne) I have a child, this idea may get tossled and turned upside down. Buuut. For now. I'll plunge deep into the idea of habit verses spontaneity and how I feel about it right now. Okay one thing first about the if or when and child thing. I think since we've been married now for 8 1/2 years, if anyone "joins" the family, it'll be tough for them to change us, I think they'll do more adapting to us than we will to them (all you moms are laughing and shaking your head side to side, aren't you? This is a whole other discussion people and I'll make my greater point about it in a different post, cause I'm not talking about my kid being able to fall asleep anywhere just so I can stay out late at a friend's house or something. I mean they'll wear big headphones to protect their ears at their dad's show. Stuff like that.)....annnywaaysss

I am organized, particular, precise, formulaic, predictable, opinionated, a creature of habit...Sometimes. And some of the time I'm scattered, rushed, disheveled, addicted to my calendar alarm for reminders, artistic, and frankly, spontaneous.

What is that?

Someone once said that creatives aren't organized, and organized people aren't creative. I'm both creative and organized, some of the time, and then none of the time.

Andy can tell you what I'll do in certain situations even before I could tell you what I'd do. Is this cause he knows me all to well, or is it because I'm super predictable?

What is it? It's annoying.

I never feel done. Complete. Accomplished. Okay, I shouldn't say never that's a stupid word, cause it can't be true. Ever. Well, maybe not ever... ok, sorry, I think I was up to early today and I'm a bit feisty.

The point is that, like the heading I wrote when I began this blog that's posted on the photo at the top, I am complicated.

You'd have to ask Andy if I'm annoying, or perhaps the guys I work with. They'd know better than me. I can only tell you how I feel about it.

Some of the time I'm frustrated with myself. I don't feel like I'm committed to things. Or rather, I get really excited about something and then I go full speed ahead and get 'er done, and then a few weeks later it's not even on my radar. I love it when it's there and I forget it when it's done.

No matter how many calendars I make to organize my life, I don't ever follow it. I'll forget to take the trash out on the same day every week without my calendar reminder alarm. I won't do laundry every monday night when Andy goes out for guys night, I just forget.

I'll buy the next book in the series right after I finish the first book and then won't read it for five months even though I read the first one in two days (Twilight, I know, right?)

I once at homemade stuffing for lunch and dinner every day for almost a month. Then I didn't even eat it the next year at Thanksgiving.

I think I define it as:
I am a creature of semi-habit more than constant habit.

And... I love to be spontaneous. I used to carry a contact case and solution with me wherever I went cause I hated to have to plan to even go home at night just because I had to "take my eyes out". I encouraged Science Heroes to play a show at a house party at one a.m. after they had already played a show earlier in the night just for the publicity and cause their gear was already loaded in the car. If people are hanging out somewhere and they want a place to go "after wards", I invite everyone over to our place for the after party.

I wonder. What do you do that defines whether or not you're spontaneous or a creature of habit?
What do you think about the thought that I am seemingly both?

*I hope you enjoyed the random links and photos in the post above, I didn't have photos specifically for this one, so I figured I'd fill it with a bit of something.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Exploring a Thought

A response in a way to this post by Marianne Elixir

She reflected back in her life, to a time when she was in Ghana, "That trip taken 6 1/2 years ago remains a beacon of perspective for me. Life could always be worse and in so many ways, I do not have a clue what suffering is."

And other words of hers that struck me to respond, "There is great value in habit. If not, simply to draw our attention to the worthiness of the things that suspend those habits when we realize we still do not have it all together."

This post she wrote was honest, spoke of her faith, and her objective questioning of her faithfulness to God in times of suffering and trial. She is married, with two small boys and her life and love is full.

I know God sees no struggle as to small for concern, no worry of a mother or wife as insignificant. But when you've traveled to another country where the lack of clean water or the threat of HIV/Aids is prevalent, well, having "sometime" financial struggles seems a tough thing to call the same struggle.

But it is.

It is suffering, and a trial and God never compares, or uses a sliding scale of how much He is concerned based on your level of suffering compared to everyone else in the world. God doesn't do that,people do that. Especially American Christians.

Marianne's choice to share what she's thinking in regards to her god and her beliefs during a time of financial strain is a healthy and admirable quality in her. I am challenged to examine my understanding of what I believe, to remember times in my past when I was taken care of, saved from death, carried through pain and loss, comforted in moments of complete and utter defeat.

In those moments I didn't curse my creator. I didn't turn my back on the One that loved me first. I can't say what I would do in the future, but I hope my faith continues to grow as Marianne's is, and that if the time comes when I am challenged again I will respond in faith and commitment.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Picture this

A Tour of Seattle

From the hotel balcony.

Giant statue of Lenin

weird sumo babies on a wall

thinking of science


Arrived at the street

The Troll

Yes. It scared me when we first came up over the ridge. I wasn't expecting an eye to see me.

One of the only times we got out and walked around during our tour.

Gas Works Park

If only it had rocket boosters

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It can make the heart grow


Last time I was here, it was with Andy. We celebrated his birthday, with a Radiohead concert and our anniversary, with a couple of nights in a beautiful hotel downtown, dinner down on the pier and time together.

This time I'm alone. Not alone, alone. But without him.

There's a king size bed in the room. I put big pillows next to me at night, otherwise it felt huge and like I was sleeping in an endless black hole. There's a fireplace in the room and two comfy chairs in front of it. I piled my clothes on one so it didn't feel like someone else was supposed to sit there.

But it's not that this place is super romantic or anything. My view is of the street afterall.

It's just that he's not here to share in the experience. I know sometimes that's a good thing. It means when we talk or when we're back in the same state we'll have things to talk about, to share with one another. And that's good.

But strangely, in this very same town, two of our friends are having the exact opposite experience. Jayson's here for the shoot, and Nata lives here, going to school. They're able to be together just the short amount of time he's here and she's not in class.

I bring this up because it reminds me to forgo the regret and stick with the happy. Use the distance to let the heart grow fonder and be alright with not sharing ever experience with the one you love.

I was reminded of the time Andy 'n I spent apart for 8 months when I was overseas. I won't get into specifics now, but all I really wanted to mention was that along with the tough of being apart, there should not be regret. I think relationships will flourish if our attitudes are right and we're committed to one another.

I miss him. He's an amazing man and I truly love him.

I miss you Bo, I'll see you soon.

Monday, November 10, 2008


I'm takin a break from nanowrimo and thought I'd write here instead. So I don't totally give up on my goal I'm writing to let you all know I'm leaving. Leaving Oregon. Leaving my house. Leaving...to go to Seattle. For three days.

I know not dramatic, but whatever. I'll take some photos, have some laughs, and tell ya'll about it soon. We've got a shoot on Wednesday so the rest of time I'll just be driving and chillin'.

Follow me on twitter, or in the side bar on the blog to see what I'm up to when I'm not blogging.
Peace. Out.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Mr. President

I just wanted to say, this is a historic night, no matter what way you voted.
I have a lot of thoughts, and I've had a lot of insightful conversations, but now's not the time. It's just a moment in history when America changed that we will never forget.

We are not a collection of red states and blue states.
We are and always will be the United States of America.
- Mr. President

Monday, November 3, 2008

Count with both hands

I'm adding this to my sidebar, so all of you out there can watch my progress for nannowrimo. I'll see you at the end.