Wednesday, April 25, 2007

A Million Little Pieces

written by James Frey (and the devil)

The Smoking Gun retitled this book to: A Million Little Lies. If you want to find out what they have to say about this "memoir" check out "The Man Who Conned Oprah". I'm not going to discuss this controversial subject. I'm going to discuss what I think is a greater tragedy. The fact that this man can not write a decent sentence, tell a compelling story, or portray emotion. Just to prove my point, I am going to set the book on my lap, open to a random page and blindly land my finger on a section (you know like you did with the Bible when you needed God to speak to you?) and post it verbatim. This is going to be fun.

I get a tray and I get in line. I get a plate of chipped beef, a plate of chicken strips and rice, a plate of turkey taquitos. I carry the tray to the Dining Room. My friends are at a table in one of the far corners. I walk toward them.
I sit down so I can see Lilly and Lilly can see me. Leonard and Miles and Ed and Ted and Matty are talking about the imminent Heavyweight Boxing Match. They ask me what's new, I tell them about my Sentence. They are all surprised. They figured whatever time I was looking at was likely to be short and easy. Leonard asks what I did and I tell him...We eat. I glance at Lilly. We talk. Prison is the main topic of conversation.

Basically. This guy went through the "over 400 pages of records" from 6 weeks in re-hab and details for us what he ate at every meal...because that was probably a huge part of his time there and one of the most important parts of his recovery (?) EVERY meal. Also, the capitalization is not a mistake by me, yes, he really capitalized "Sentence" cause it's dramatic or something, and Leonard and Miles and Ed and Ted and Matty. This may not seem so bad to you (Jen knows what I'm talkin about though, she read a whole page of it) but trust me, it's bad.

I was also going to quote a conversation that he wrote, they really suck, but it was too annoying and I got fed up with re-reading any part of this book and I just returned it to the Library (of course I didn't buy the book!). I'm going to tell you about my experience at the Library when I went a looking for this...(well, I guess I'll call it a book) because this book didn't make me think about life or love or writing or anything really personal, except for the part when I got really pissed that this book was actually published and James Frey is super rich and will never have to work again for the rest of his life...

Anyways. upstairs on the 3rd floor of the Library, fiction, I search under "F" for Frays, or is it Fry or Fray or Fri??? Can't find it anywhere...hmm. I head over to the computer and search under title, I know that perfectly (a Million Little Lies, right?) I find it. There's one copy left and I head back to the "F's" as I have learned that it's spelled Frey. Alas, even though the computer says there's a copy available, I still can't find it. I head back over to the computer and look it up again. To my shock and dismay I had forgotten the biggest and best controversy to hit Oprah since the Beef thing...James Frey wrote a "MEMOIR" which means...and man am I dense...his book will be in the NON-fiction section of the Library. Sure enough, one floor down, amongst the encyclopedias and how-to books I find the ever so familiar book cover with the hand covered in sprinkles. And just cause I know Oprah would appreciate it (not cause I love her, but because I'm nice and I like helping people) - I stealthily remove the "Oprah's Bookclub sticker" from the cover.


sufferingsummer said...

One day, just because I had seen about 10 minutes of his interview on Oprah after the big scandal and wanted to know what all the fuss was about, I picked up this book whilst standing in the stacks at Barnes and Nobel and read a chapter. Yep that's it, one chapter and I quickly replaced it back on the shelf and slowly backed away from the book...never to return to it again. Glad to see I wasn't missing anything.

elixir said...

Hilarious review. I love it.

Gombojav Tribe said...

How kind of you to remove the sticker from the cover!! :-)