Wednesday, October 8, 2008

feelings.

I've been in a mood of something I can't put my finger on. If you ask my husband, he'll probably tell you it's due to my cycle in someway. But I think it's more than that. For some time now I've been sad about the state of the world, and most recently, the U.S.

It has a little bit to do with my job I think. I love my job, everyone knows that, and that's not the point, the point is more that after I work really hard on a project, for days, hours, months even, and I've neglected my relationships and my house, and myself. Well, I sort of wonder what it's all for. Why did I work so hard? Yes, I needed to pay the mortgage and all the other bills. But, is what I'm doing actually important to the health of the world, the state of society? No. Absolutely not.

I feel like I should make some public service announcements or something...you know like how celebrities make the Vote ads? At least they're sort of making a difference (?)



I think a bit of this stems back to my teaching days, when people would respond to my job with comments like:

You are doing such a selfless, wonderful thing (not really, they pay me)
That is one of the most under appreciated professions, good for you
Your mother must be so proud
What an honorable thing, to give of your time like that (it is true, I did give a lot of my free time to teaching...and this usually fell under the "they don't pay you for that" column)

But anyways. My job now receives comments like:

That's so cool
Your job is so great
You are so lucky
Oh I would love to do that
Your job is so exciting

And all those things are true, along with my job is stressful, and hectic, and time eating, and long hours, and crazy. And again, I love my job. But really? What am I actually doing?

It's funny that I'm going to say this, but one of our clients is Reach Group Consulting and Lisa Johnson, who wrote Mind Your X's & Y's which, granted is a marketing book, but touches on insight that is honestly relevant and true about Gen X and Gen Y.
Anyways, she talks about a Give Back spirit that resides in our generations. The idea that while we love our computers, music and technology, we also have a desire to give back, to volunteer, to make a difference in the world around us and at large.

I have to say, when I was a teacher I think this desire was satisfied through the impact I had on children and their families. If they struggled with reading, I worked extra with them and their parents to come up with a strategy that would work for them. If they were going through a hard family time, I would give them extra attention on the playground and provide them with a safe environment or be there for their parent to listen and encourage.

But I wasn't doing it for praise, or even really thinking about it, I just did it. But now. Well, I think it's been a while and I'm feeling a gap of sorts.
So. I'm working on it, it sounds weird to say it, but I guess I'm working on giving back, volunteering my time for a cause or something I care about. I can't donate money right now, so I'm donating talent.

I'm working on something right now that's in the very beginning stages, but I'm really excited about it.
Stay tuned.

3 comments:

janey said...

oh my oh my..have been feeling like this for some time sista....the gap...since being in missions other work hasnt been the same..hmm...look forward to hearing your "something" xo

Sarah said...

I feel the exact same way, going from teaching to now working in two superfluous industries, luxury housing and overpriced food. It's made me really think about my ultimate goals which would be much more in line with fundamentally helping the world. I'll be anxious as well to hear what you're working on.

Lisa said...

Go girl! - I look forward to seeing and hearing what comes forth from your very special and gifted heart and mind. You have always had a place for others and at a young age both you and your brother noticed others in need.
How exciting a new chapter, I too am anxious to hear what you are working on! love, mumsie