Thursday, January 21, 2010

How time goes by in just the right amount

30 weeks

31 weeks

As we round the corner to our 32nd week, the comments from people are a derivative of one of the following:
It seems like you've been pregnant forever
or
It has gone by so fast

I guess that all depends on perspective right?
I feel like it has been just the right amount of time. I'm not anxious either way...to get it over with or to keep it going longer. I'm content where we're at and I have been this entire time. I hope this continues and I'm confident that with the right perspective, it will.

One of the strangest things I've discovered while being pregnant is the amount of statements rather than questions I hear in regards to my pregnancy. For instance, people don't ask how it has felt for me, long, short, just right? They just tell me how it's been for them. I find this peculiar at least.

But it doesn't end with this small area, it ripples throughout any comment I make online, or any person I speak to about the pregnancy. I have to say, some of the best advice I have been given was by another new mother. She said, don't take advice or listen to just one person, hear it all, but decide what's best for you and your baby. This wasn't some kind of epiphany, but it made me realize that this isn't an isolated occurrence, this happens to a lot of pregnant women. I know very well that no one knows me, or my diet, or my habits, or my history like I do, except for maybe Andy, and we all know that no two people are alike, so of course no two pregnancies are going to be alike. So what is this need to give advice when it isn't solicited?
Don't get me wrong, I hear it all, some of it is really helpful, I'm just pondering the reasoning behind it.

The advice I was given may seem like common sense, and typically to the person hearing the unsolicited advice or opinions, this is common sense, but I ponder more why this isn't common sense for the people handing out the advice or opinions. And I ponder even more why people are so quick to offer their advice or opinions about pregnancy when I don't even ask for them. Is this how it will be all during parenthood too? Will people always assume that you don't know what you're doing cause you're 'new at this'? That's kind of annoying.

I have a few ideas, but they're probably offensive, so I'd rather people just tell me why they do it instead of me pissing off everyone.



10 comments:

onefinemess said...

It's not just you. I think it's just the cycle of life. You may even find yourself doing it to others when the time comes....

Some of it is just reaction I think - you see someone going through what you went through and it triggers thoughts blah blah.

That being said, it is really annoying. Happens to us all the time too, and the stuff particular to pregnancy happened to Jen I think.

meg said...

I hear that. Totally. And if you're really close with someone I could see them offering advice and it being because they know you or where you're at, but when it comes from a stranger or someone random on FB it seems a bit self centered...more about them than me (?)

Jen said...

Yes, it will happen during parenthood too. And the worst is when someone tries to give you advice by talking for your baby (and in a baby voice, of course), like - "Oh mommy, it's kind of cold in here, I might need a coat" or "My tummy's grumbling mommy, is it time to eat yet?" I hate that.

sufferingsummer said...

I agree with OFM...I think it is a reaction. I know for me anyway I might share my own experience with someone, even if I don't know them well because I am hoping for some sort of human connection...or like they will see that even in just bringing up whatever they brought up they aren't alone...if that makes any sense at all.
However I am not including situations like Jen speaks of...that is out right obnoxious and seems like a really passive way of trying to tell someone you think that you know better or something.

Melanie said...

You told me about this when I visited with you at Christmas, and I have been thinking about it - I'm very curious to know if this is a cultural thing - people are trying to be friendly, and there is a point of relatablity here. I'd love to know if this happens to women in Boston too, where I ride in a train car of 300 people pushed up against each other for 1/2 an hour every morning, and no one says a word to each other, except for maybe "Excuse me." I just can't see that happening in Oregon!

Axon L. Parker said...

It's a complicated and funny thing. I had a feeling that you would start to feel this way:) Just smile and nod and do your own thing. And remember that some of it is just this weird excitement about babies....until I had my own I was relatively uninterested in the details of pregnancy and raising babies. Now I love it all and get SO excited about my friends having children. And you feel this interesting urge to connect through sharing your own experience. If our memories weren't so short we would spare our friends the first-time mother irritation, but....our memories our short. That's why we go through birth more than once.

meg said...

Jen - I LOVE YOUR COMMENT, I had tears laughing at it. Unreal. I'll be sure to do that to you next time I see you with your little one.

Summer, Axon and Mel -

I LOVE hearing things from my friends, but I think because maybe I admire them as mothers and would seek out their advice anyways? It just urks me when people comment things that make it seem like they assume I'm an idiot. I'm not under some illusion that I know everything, but I usually only hear common knowledge "advice" and that drives me NUTS-O.

Thanks for letting me vent, usually Andy's the only one that hears it :-)

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