Saturday, March 6, 2010

The Final Countdown
and how it really doesn't mean anything

An update of the pregnancy kind.

37 weeks

37 1/2 weeks

38 weeks

The countdown.

The countdown is tricky. For starters, the weeks listed under all my photos is based on the March 22nd due date that we've been counting down to since October. But the 'let's be prepared' countdown (due date of March 14th) puts us at 39 weeks as of today.

Both of these numbers give me some anxious thoughts. I know he will come in his time and when the moment is the most perfect for him and at this moment he is very content in my womb, so that is where I think he should be.

The anxiousness comes in to play because of the unexpected. I'm not worried about the birth, and conversely I'm not hating being pregnant (as you know from my last post, this pregnancy has been pretty much a breeze.)

The unexpected simply means that I think a lot - when will it all begin? When will my body and his body become in sync and start the process?
When will the first contraction hit me? I don't worry about how long my labor will be, or how tough or if he'll be alright. I wonder when it will finally start. So every day, I get prepared. I settle things at work at the end of each day, in case I won't return the next. I make sure there is food in the house and that things are cleanish and organized before I go to bed, in case I'm not able to do it in the morning. But, I also make plans and schedule things for the next day or the week to come. I have to-do lists and things on the calendar. I don't like limbo, and I certainly don't like not going ahead with life and letting anxiety take over.

I don't want to be disappointed when a date comes and goes. I don't want to feel discouraged or concerned, cause let's face it, the whole due date thing it's kind of arbitrary to begin with and having a countdown seems really counter productive, especially to me and my desire to never fail.

This whole last part of pregnancy is really teaching me something major. I am not in control. And this doesn't equal failure. Usually I set a goal and work until my fingers bleed to accomplish it and to accomplish it over and above what is called for. I work hard to achieve success and complete a goal. But that's not up to me in this situation...the end goal may have something to do with me, my determination and the preparation to get me through the labor to the birth. But I don't get to say when and start it when I'm ready. And I'm learning to be good with that.

In the end I think I may be terrible at waiting, but I'm super great at being prepared. And if you haven't heard, I'm going to be so awesome at birth. Just wait. So awesome.

12 comments:

Happy Girl said...

SO Awesome is right, you have always had this amazing ability to set your mind and accomplish! (and if comments would let me always would have been underlined)

mary said...

I like that you make sure things are "cleanish" at home. That made me smile :-). And your photos...wow. In one week your baby tummy is bigger! Crazy seeing them one after the other like that!!!

You will rock labor. Just like you've rocked this whole pregnancy thing. I like your perspective on the waiting, but I know the waiting can get old too. I'm praying it doesn't get old, just more anticipatory! And good for you for making such a comfy womb environment :-)

Sarah said...

Hurray, glad to hear you are doing well. Sorry I haven't gotten back to you on fb (technically I'm not on during Lent), but the name of the baby pillow is "My BrestFriend" and also.. if you're interested in Babywise and would like to read it before he comes (recommended!), then I'd be happy to send my copy (actually my sister's) with Jayson to work. :) Just let me know on here.

meg said...

Thanks Ladies.

Sarah I would love to read Babywise. If you can send it with J that would be awesome. Also I went through the bag you gave me (thank you again!) and was wondering if you have any of the outer diaper things I could borrow too?

Jen said...

I can so identify with your third paragraph. I felt so similarly. And it's good I started trying to learn that then because being a parent has been an even greater challenge to my ability to relax, wait, and trust time, my daughter, and God to grow her up in her own time.

Also, I have some diaper wraps Riley's grown out of that you can borrow too if you'd like. They're not the gdiaper ones you like, but they worked alright for me.

Jen said...

I can so identify with your third paragraph. I felt so similarly. And it's good I started trying to learn that then because being a parent has been an even greater challenge to my ability to relax, wait, and trust time, my daughter, and God to grow her up in her own time.

Also, I have some diaper wraps Riley's grown out of that you can borrow too if you'd like. They're not the gdiaper ones you like, but they worked alright for me.

Jen said...

Oh holy cow! Sorry. Must have clicked a few time. Oops.

meg said...

Jen - I have no idea why blogger didn't tell me you posted a comment, and 4 times too! I should've been told of that at least :-)

I'm really feeling the relax and wait and be content with where I am now thing. And it's perfect. I know I am learning a good lesson here that will hopefully make the transition into parenthood easier - yes I know how using the word 'easier' sounds but I'm not naive, just thoughtfully preparing.

I have a couple of other types of outer wraps already, so if you have some small ones I could borrow I would be ever so grateful! Maybe we can work out a way to do a hand off?

Jen said...

Yea. Ryan's teaching the next couple Sundays so I'll be there. We've been rather lazy with the little one, but it's about time she learn about the nursery! I'll make a note to bring them and if you're there I can give them to you. If not, I can swing them by sometime or vice-versa.

And easier doesn't mean easy. So you're not naive, just realistically ready :)

meg said...

oh that's right, I just read the announcement about that. I hope we'll make it...or maybe I hope we won't make it cause we're having a baby :-)
If we can we'll be there!

Jen said...

Didn't see you. Should I just pass along the covers to Marianne and she can get them to you?

meg said...

oh definitely, I probably see her more regular than anyone else, and at this point in the pregnancy, making any kind of plans is tough! By the time 4pm rolled around last Sunday I was exhausted and fell asleep for an hour :-) thanks Jen!