To be or not to be...spontaneous

Is it a habit or spontaneous action that brings the most joy and contentment out of life? Whoa. Wait a minute, is that really what I think the purpose of life is? Finding joy and contentment? I don't think that's what I think, or is it? I mean, that's what I just wrote right? Okay, let's not get sidetracked. That's another question all together, but not the one I'm focused on discussing. And besides, I was just trying to write a good opening sentence for those of you (everyone really, except for Marianne and Sarah) that would have no idea what this post was about since you didn't ask for it.


I know that when, or if, if or when, (don't get all excited Marianne) I have a child, this idea may get tossled and turned upside down. Buuut. For now. I'll plunge deep into the idea of habit verses spontaneity and how I feel about it right now. Okay one thing first about the if or when and child thing. I think since we've been married now for 8 1/2 years, if anyone "joins" the family, it'll be tough for them to change us, I think they'll do more adapting to us than we will to them (all you moms are laughing and shaking your head side to side, aren't you? This is a whole other discussion people and I'll make my greater point about it in a different post, cause I'm not talking about my kid being able to fall asleep anywhere just so I can stay out late at a friend's house or something. I mean they'll wear big headphones to protect their ears at their dad's show. Stuff like that.)....annnywaaysss

I am organized, particular, precise, formulaic, predictable, opinionated, a creature of habit...Sometimes. And some of the time I'm scattered, rushed, disheveled, addicted to my calendar alarm for reminders, artistic, and frankly, spontaneous.

What is that?

Someone once said that creatives aren't organized, and organized people aren't creative. I'm both creative and organized, some of the time, and then none of the time.


Andy can tell you what I'll do in certain situations even before I could tell you what I'd do. Is this cause he knows me all to well, or is it because I'm super predictable?

What is it? It's annoying.

I never feel done. Complete. Accomplished. Okay, I shouldn't say never that's a stupid word, cause it can't be true. Ever. Well, maybe not ever... ok, sorry, I think I was up to early today and I'm a bit feisty.

The point is that, like the heading I wrote when I began this blog that's posted on the photo at the top, I am complicated.

You'd have to ask Andy if I'm annoying, or perhaps the guys I work with. They'd know better than me. I can only tell you how I feel about it.

Some of the time I'm frustrated with myself. I don't feel like I'm committed to things. Or rather, I get really excited about something and then I go full speed ahead and get 'er done, and then a few weeks later it's not even on my radar. I love it when it's there and I forget it when it's done.

No matter how many calendars I make to organize my life, I don't ever follow it. I'll forget to take the trash out on the same day every week without my calendar reminder alarm. I won't do laundry every monday night when Andy goes out for guys night, I just forget.

I'll buy the next book in the series right after I finish the first book and then won't read it for five months even though I read the first one in two days (Twilight, I know, right?)

I once at homemade stuffing for lunch and dinner every day for almost a month. Then I didn't even eat it the next year at Thanksgiving.

I think I define it as:
I am a creature of semi-habit more than constant habit.


And... I love to be spontaneous. I used to carry a contact case and solution with me wherever I went cause I hated to have to plan to even go home at night just because I had to "take my eyes out". I encouraged Science Heroes to play a show at a house party at one a.m. after they had already played a show earlier in the night just for the publicity and cause their gear was already loaded in the car. If people are hanging out somewhere and they want a place to go "after wards", I invite everyone over to our place for the after party.

I wonder. What do you do that defines whether or not you're spontaneous or a creature of habit?
What do you think about the thought that I am seemingly both?

*I hope you enjoyed the random links and photos in the post above, I didn't have photos specifically for this one, so I figured I'd fill it with a bit of something.

Exploring a Thought

A response in a way to this post by Marianne Elixir

She reflected back in her life, to a time when she was in Ghana, "That trip taken 6 1/2 years ago remains a beacon of perspective for me. Life could always be worse and in so many ways, I do not have a clue what suffering is."

And other words of hers that struck me to respond, "There is great value in habit. If not, simply to draw our attention to the worthiness of the things that suspend those habits when we realize we still do not have it all together."

This post she wrote was honest, spoke of her faith, and her objective questioning of her faithfulness to God in times of suffering and trial. She is married, with two small boys and her life and love is full.

I know God sees no struggle as to small for concern, no worry of a mother or wife as insignificant. But when you've traveled to another country where the lack of clean water or the threat of HIV/Aids is prevalent, well, having "sometime" financial struggles seems a tough thing to call the same struggle.

But it is.

It is suffering, and a trial and God never compares, or uses a sliding scale of how much He is concerned based on your level of suffering compared to everyone else in the world. God doesn't do that,people do that. Especially American Christians.

Marianne's choice to share what she's thinking in regards to her god and her beliefs during a time of financial strain is a healthy and admirable quality in her. I am challenged to examine my understanding of what I believe, to remember times in my past when I was taken care of, saved from death, carried through pain and loss, comforted in moments of complete and utter defeat.

In those moments I didn't curse my creator. I didn't turn my back on the One that loved me first. I can't say what I would do in the future, but I hope my faith continues to grow as Marianne's is, and that if the time comes when I am challenged again I will respond in faith and commitment.

Picture this

A Tour of Seattle

From the hotel balcony.



Giant statue of Lenin


weird sumo babies on a wall



thinking of science



Directions



Arrived at the street



The Troll



Yes. It scared me when we first came up over the ridge. I wasn't expecting an eye to see me.



One of the only times we got out and walked around during our tour.



Gas Works Park



If only it had rocket boosters

It can make the heart grow

Seattle.

Last time I was here, it was with Andy. We celebrated his birthday, with a Radiohead concert and our anniversary, with a couple of nights in a beautiful hotel downtown, dinner down on the pier and time together.

This time I'm alone. Not alone, alone. But without him.

There's a king size bed in the room. I put big pillows next to me at night, otherwise it felt huge and like I was sleeping in an endless black hole. There's a fireplace in the room and two comfy chairs in front of it. I piled my clothes on one so it didn't feel like someone else was supposed to sit there.



But it's not that this place is super romantic or anything. My view is of the street afterall.




It's just that he's not here to share in the experience. I know sometimes that's a good thing. It means when we talk or when we're back in the same state we'll have things to talk about, to share with one another. And that's good.

But strangely, in this very same town, two of our friends are having the exact opposite experience. Jayson's here for the shoot, and Nata lives here, going to school. They're able to be together just the short amount of time he's here and she's not in class.

I bring this up because it reminds me to forgo the regret and stick with the happy. Use the distance to let the heart grow fonder and be alright with not sharing ever experience with the one you love.

I was reminded of the time Andy 'n I spent apart for 8 months when I was overseas. I won't get into specifics now, but all I really wanted to mention was that along with the tough of being apart, there should not be regret. I think relationships will flourish if our attitudes are right and we're committed to one another.

I miss him. He's an amazing man and I truly love him.



I miss you Bo, I'll see you soon.
Loves.

Leaving.

I'm takin a break from nanowrimo and thought I'd write here instead. So I don't totally give up on my goal I'm writing to let you all know I'm leaving. Leaving Oregon. Leaving my house. Leaving...to go to Seattle. For three days.

I know not dramatic, but whatever. I'll take some photos, have some laughs, and tell ya'll about it soon. We've got a shoot on Wednesday so the rest of time I'll just be driving and chillin'.

Follow me on twitter, or in the side bar on the blog to see what I'm up to when I'm not blogging.
Peace. Out.

Mr. President

I just wanted to say, this is a historic night, no matter what way you voted.
I have a lot of thoughts, and I've had a lot of insightful conversations, but now's not the time. It's just a moment in history when America changed that we will never forget.


We are not a collection of red states and blue states.
We are and always will be the United States of America.
- Mr. President

Count with both hands

I'm adding this to my sidebar, so all of you out there can watch my progress for nannowrimo. I'll see you at the end.