it's a dirty word, but somebody had to say it

Inspired by recent events, my man and I, and my dear friend Jessa have been talking about marriage and the word-never-to-be-said-in-the-midst-of-an-argument- divorce.

I'd like to begin with a statement. I believe there are exceptions to the comments I am going to make about divorce.
If you are in an abusive relationship, of any kind, physical or emotional please seek help and get away from your abuser, what ever it takes. I am excluding these marriages from what I am going to be sharing about...but all the rest of you, beware!

Marriage is not easy. Even without children, marriage is not easy. Two people living together is not easy. One man and one woman as roommates is not easy. Marriage is a way for God to shape me...daily.


We talked about marriage and thought about the reason's why people settle on divorce as the answer. A long time ago, I settled on the fact that selfishness is the root to divorce. In a nutshell I still think this is true.

But, I've learned that even more-so, people just don't care. See, love has nothing to do with feelings. Love has to do with not feeling. By this I mean, when you don't feel IT, that's when you really love someone.

IT can be so many things:

lust......patience
sensuality......attraction
desire.....security
trust.....appreciated
admiration...or admired
safety.....comfort
encouragement.....
....and on and on and on...

I've also discovered that there can be so much less of a reason for divorce. Here are a few we thought of:

I don't like you anymore
I've fallen out of love with you
We don't have anything in common anymore
We're just roommates, existing in the same space
You're a slob
You're a nag
You don't look like you did when I married you
.........................................................................................

and these are just a few we thought of about people without children, the list grows increasingly long when you add children to the mix.

Here's the thing...we all think and feel these things, or variations of them, at one point or another in our relationship. And this, this is when marriage becomes real. This is marriage.

Marriage, the commitment we make to another person is real when it's tested, strained, and it remains. It's not about feeling good all the time. It's not about perfection.



It's about my man bringing me my coffee after an argument...he's added coffee cubes cause it was luke warm and it's better cold. It's about being unselfish.

*End Note: For another woman's opinion check out this blog. I didn't mention a few thoughts I had in this blog because she said it and she said it so well...

more on this as thoughts come, I heartily request your comments and insights