What? So what if it's been like a year

It has been almost a month since my last confession, err blog. There's been family visiting and snow falling, Christmas decorating, and work, working. And yet. There hasn't been blogging. One thing making that sort of difficult is that Andy's computer took a dive and won't revive. And by dive I mean figuratively, and by die I mean it won't start anymore. So, we share mine...ours. And it makes it tough to do more than just check email or whatever.

But here I am. Writing a blog. He's at work. So that helps. Work. Yes, at night. I know. It's this new thing we're trying out, it's all about having enough money to pay the mortgage, which also translates into not seeing each other due to the working all the time thing.

A dear friend is coming into town for a visit later this week. I'm thrilled about it. Hopefully she'll make an appearance on the blog.

I've done some baking. Made a few little gifts, and prepared our presents for the nieces and nephews. But alas, Christmas is less about gifts this year as it's about time spent with people we love. Andy has to work on Christmas Eve. Suuuper lame. And supposedly he's working New Year's Eve too...Also suuper lame..

We did some awesome Pushplay Christmasy things this week. The little photos are a bit of a taste of what's to come...and Santa.

I've really enjoyed life this last month. Here's my list in no particular order, well ok, the order in which I type them and that's all:

1. Family Visit
2. snow
3. walking with Andy in the snow
4. dinner at Soriah's
5. Christmas music galore on a cd from McKenzie

How about you? Wanna make a list?

It takes a village

We had a night. The kind of night that doesn't include much sleep. We figured we'd slept from about 3:30-3:45 till about 5:30am. The sun doesn't look like it's going to make an appearance anytime soon.

Bella endured her second getting out of bed and walking with the walker while only putting pressure on one foot extravaganza since I've been here. Twice in the last 12 hours. Simply amazing. We're hoping she'll be able to get the catheter out soon, move out of the hospital, heal and get better damn it.

So I get the ice, call on the nurse for warm blankets from the "microwave", help to physically move her broken body from one position to the next. And I sit within a few feet in case she has another seizure spasm, or needs help in any other way. Someone else has been in my place all week, someone else will fill it later this morning. Apparently there are a lot of things that take a village.

It's been a long night. I am in awe of everyone that has stayed night after night or day after day. This family is tough. They are fighters. They are seriously a testament to love.

A good sleepover in the worst place

I'm here. We're hanging out. Listening to good music, going online, trying to bypass the hospital's internet so we can get on facebook. When I spoke to Andy he asked how the slumber party was going. It's going good, if good is even a word I could use.


It's been so long, I could barely think of what it would be like. I remembered the time Flo came over while I was house sitting in the little cabin and we stayed up all night, laying in the dark talking about this and that, and boys.
Tonight there was a little talk of boys, or rather the men we love. There was definitely the staying up late, and there was partial dark.

But this was different, it was hard to just hang out and talk, there was a lot of pain. She's in as good of spirits as she can be, giving thanks in moments of excruciating pain that her daughter escaped uninjured. There is pain when she moves, and there is pain when she doesn't. The smallest task takes a very long time and brings with it new kinds of pain. But she is strong. In time she will heal.

The bed time routine was a step by step how to be a good mom routine. Complete with a shower cap that when heated and rubbed on her head, simulated a shower, complete with shampoo and conditioner


There was the leg shaving, the changing of the sheet, the brushing of the teeth, the fresh socks and jammies, and the shower cap that washed her hair, I know this is the second mentioning of it, but trust me, it deserves that much play. This thing was amazing. Apparently the day after Bella arrived here a nurse found her one from another floor, then for the rest of the week they were "out"...yes, they're super popular.

Upon finalizing the nighttime I handed her the "breathalizer" to exercise her lungs and she responded, "you must be married to Nancy Pindell." Yes. It seems that way doesn't it? Thanks for the complement dear. All this means is that Bella has friends. Friends that seem like family. Friends that care deeply for her and her family and will do anything, anything she asks. Oh, and mostly what it means is that they'll make sure she does her exercises and gets her meds, and help her walk, and on and on and on. She is loved.

It's 1:30 am and she's beginning to doze. She wore herself out over the last 2 hours as she strained to move off the bed, inch by inch, minute by passing minute, until she stood on one leg, leaning on the walker, myself and 2 nurses. She fought the pain, held back the emotion, and slid forward inch by inch. It's a very good thing, for her to get out of the bed and attempt movement. But it's tough.

When she does fall into a quiet sleep she wakes with a start, the cramping in her legs, causes her to jump and wake herself up, which causes even that much more pain throughout her body. I hope soon you'll be able to hear in her own words what's been going on. My observations in no way depict what she and her family have been dealing with. I know she appreciates all of the well wishes, prayer, and support everyone has given her and her family. Please don't forget them this holiday. Be ever so thankful for those in your life, the love that surrounds you and the life you have to live. We are all so blessed.


I'm set up in my own little space, right by the window with the sill covered in flowers, gifts and cards of well wishes. It's a peaceful place, but I can't wait until she finally gets to leave and be back at home with her girls and her man. Sleep tight Bella, even if it's only for 10 minutes. Rest and heal.

me to you

Today was a really good day. We were out late at the Science show at Lucky's and we talked until early in the morning, so when eight o'clock rolled around, we stayed right where we were, in bed. We finally got up around nine and made breakfast, and little by little I woke up.

When I turned my phone on I had missed a call from Bella and after a brief conversation I had my day planned.

Andy 'n I spent hours in the back yard, getting the pond finished, and by finished I mean getting it ready to be less of a hole and more of a part of the patio. It'll be a great project to have complete...next week. Yeah. We're not done.

We took a walk together then piled leaves upon leaves in preparation for our first garden next spring. Then he dropped me off at the hospital for a few hours with Bella.

I want to keep privacy for her and her family so I won't go into much but to say that she is doing well. I will say that I am impressed with her strength. She is a beautiful woman and I am proud to call her a friend. I'm sure we'll all be hearing from her as she rejoins us in blogging world soon.

When friends need friends.

Dear friends of ours were struck by a life altering event this past week. Their family knows grief and trial well, and watching them dealing with this event from the sidelines has been a true lesson in faith and love. It is best if you hear it from them so I'll post the links to the blogs below.

I haven't made my way to the hospital yet, we are new friends in their lives that are deeply rooted in the community we share. The are taken care of, being helped by family and friends. Really I feel like I don't know what to do. I have a sense of helplessness. I am willing and able to help in any way, but somehow I am held back, I am unsure of what I can offer. I'll call. I'll offer something. Maybe they won't need help right now, that's okay. I don't think we're going anywhere anytime soon. I'll be around six weeks from now.

They'll need people around them for a long time. If you think of it, keep their family in your thoughts and prayers. They'll need a lot of strength between them.

News Link Here
Blog Post 1
Blog Post 2

To be or not to be...spontaneous

Is it a habit or spontaneous action that brings the most joy and contentment out of life? Whoa. Wait a minute, is that really what I think the purpose of life is? Finding joy and contentment? I don't think that's what I think, or is it? I mean, that's what I just wrote right? Okay, let's not get sidetracked. That's another question all together, but not the one I'm focused on discussing. And besides, I was just trying to write a good opening sentence for those of you (everyone really, except for Marianne and Sarah) that would have no idea what this post was about since you didn't ask for it.


I know that when, or if, if or when, (don't get all excited Marianne) I have a child, this idea may get tossled and turned upside down. Buuut. For now. I'll plunge deep into the idea of habit verses spontaneity and how I feel about it right now. Okay one thing first about the if or when and child thing. I think since we've been married now for 8 1/2 years, if anyone "joins" the family, it'll be tough for them to change us, I think they'll do more adapting to us than we will to them (all you moms are laughing and shaking your head side to side, aren't you? This is a whole other discussion people and I'll make my greater point about it in a different post, cause I'm not talking about my kid being able to fall asleep anywhere just so I can stay out late at a friend's house or something. I mean they'll wear big headphones to protect their ears at their dad's show. Stuff like that.)....annnywaaysss

I am organized, particular, precise, formulaic, predictable, opinionated, a creature of habit...Sometimes. And some of the time I'm scattered, rushed, disheveled, addicted to my calendar alarm for reminders, artistic, and frankly, spontaneous.

What is that?

Someone once said that creatives aren't organized, and organized people aren't creative. I'm both creative and organized, some of the time, and then none of the time.


Andy can tell you what I'll do in certain situations even before I could tell you what I'd do. Is this cause he knows me all to well, or is it because I'm super predictable?

What is it? It's annoying.

I never feel done. Complete. Accomplished. Okay, I shouldn't say never that's a stupid word, cause it can't be true. Ever. Well, maybe not ever... ok, sorry, I think I was up to early today and I'm a bit feisty.

The point is that, like the heading I wrote when I began this blog that's posted on the photo at the top, I am complicated.

You'd have to ask Andy if I'm annoying, or perhaps the guys I work with. They'd know better than me. I can only tell you how I feel about it.

Some of the time I'm frustrated with myself. I don't feel like I'm committed to things. Or rather, I get really excited about something and then I go full speed ahead and get 'er done, and then a few weeks later it's not even on my radar. I love it when it's there and I forget it when it's done.

No matter how many calendars I make to organize my life, I don't ever follow it. I'll forget to take the trash out on the same day every week without my calendar reminder alarm. I won't do laundry every monday night when Andy goes out for guys night, I just forget.

I'll buy the next book in the series right after I finish the first book and then won't read it for five months even though I read the first one in two days (Twilight, I know, right?)

I once at homemade stuffing for lunch and dinner every day for almost a month. Then I didn't even eat it the next year at Thanksgiving.

I think I define it as:
I am a creature of semi-habit more than constant habit.


And... I love to be spontaneous. I used to carry a contact case and solution with me wherever I went cause I hated to have to plan to even go home at night just because I had to "take my eyes out". I encouraged Science Heroes to play a show at a house party at one a.m. after they had already played a show earlier in the night just for the publicity and cause their gear was already loaded in the car. If people are hanging out somewhere and they want a place to go "after wards", I invite everyone over to our place for the after party.

I wonder. What do you do that defines whether or not you're spontaneous or a creature of habit?
What do you think about the thought that I am seemingly both?

*I hope you enjoyed the random links and photos in the post above, I didn't have photos specifically for this one, so I figured I'd fill it with a bit of something.

Exploring a Thought

A response in a way to this post by Marianne Elixir

She reflected back in her life, to a time when she was in Ghana, "That trip taken 6 1/2 years ago remains a beacon of perspective for me. Life could always be worse and in so many ways, I do not have a clue what suffering is."

And other words of hers that struck me to respond, "There is great value in habit. If not, simply to draw our attention to the worthiness of the things that suspend those habits when we realize we still do not have it all together."

This post she wrote was honest, spoke of her faith, and her objective questioning of her faithfulness to God in times of suffering and trial. She is married, with two small boys and her life and love is full.

I know God sees no struggle as to small for concern, no worry of a mother or wife as insignificant. But when you've traveled to another country where the lack of clean water or the threat of HIV/Aids is prevalent, well, having "sometime" financial struggles seems a tough thing to call the same struggle.

But it is.

It is suffering, and a trial and God never compares, or uses a sliding scale of how much He is concerned based on your level of suffering compared to everyone else in the world. God doesn't do that,people do that. Especially American Christians.

Marianne's choice to share what she's thinking in regards to her god and her beliefs during a time of financial strain is a healthy and admirable quality in her. I am challenged to examine my understanding of what I believe, to remember times in my past when I was taken care of, saved from death, carried through pain and loss, comforted in moments of complete and utter defeat.

In those moments I didn't curse my creator. I didn't turn my back on the One that loved me first. I can't say what I would do in the future, but I hope my faith continues to grow as Marianne's is, and that if the time comes when I am challenged again I will respond in faith and commitment.

Picture this

A Tour of Seattle

From the hotel balcony.



Giant statue of Lenin


weird sumo babies on a wall



thinking of science



Directions



Arrived at the street



The Troll



Yes. It scared me when we first came up over the ridge. I wasn't expecting an eye to see me.



One of the only times we got out and walked around during our tour.



Gas Works Park



If only it had rocket boosters

It can make the heart grow

Seattle.

Last time I was here, it was with Andy. We celebrated his birthday, with a Radiohead concert and our anniversary, with a couple of nights in a beautiful hotel downtown, dinner down on the pier and time together.

This time I'm alone. Not alone, alone. But without him.

There's a king size bed in the room. I put big pillows next to me at night, otherwise it felt huge and like I was sleeping in an endless black hole. There's a fireplace in the room and two comfy chairs in front of it. I piled my clothes on one so it didn't feel like someone else was supposed to sit there.



But it's not that this place is super romantic or anything. My view is of the street afterall.




It's just that he's not here to share in the experience. I know sometimes that's a good thing. It means when we talk or when we're back in the same state we'll have things to talk about, to share with one another. And that's good.

But strangely, in this very same town, two of our friends are having the exact opposite experience. Jayson's here for the shoot, and Nata lives here, going to school. They're able to be together just the short amount of time he's here and she's not in class.

I bring this up because it reminds me to forgo the regret and stick with the happy. Use the distance to let the heart grow fonder and be alright with not sharing ever experience with the one you love.

I was reminded of the time Andy 'n I spent apart for 8 months when I was overseas. I won't get into specifics now, but all I really wanted to mention was that along with the tough of being apart, there should not be regret. I think relationships will flourish if our attitudes are right and we're committed to one another.

I miss him. He's an amazing man and I truly love him.



I miss you Bo, I'll see you soon.
Loves.

Leaving.

I'm takin a break from nanowrimo and thought I'd write here instead. So I don't totally give up on my goal I'm writing to let you all know I'm leaving. Leaving Oregon. Leaving my house. Leaving...to go to Seattle. For three days.

I know not dramatic, but whatever. I'll take some photos, have some laughs, and tell ya'll about it soon. We've got a shoot on Wednesday so the rest of time I'll just be driving and chillin'.

Follow me on twitter, or in the side bar on the blog to see what I'm up to when I'm not blogging.
Peace. Out.

Mr. President

I just wanted to say, this is a historic night, no matter what way you voted.
I have a lot of thoughts, and I've had a lot of insightful conversations, but now's not the time. It's just a moment in history when America changed that we will never forget.


We are not a collection of red states and blue states.
We are and always will be the United States of America.
- Mr. President

Count with both hands

I'm adding this to my sidebar, so all of you out there can watch my progress for nannowrimo. I'll see you at the end.

What counts, and what doesn't?

The minute hand clicks forward and I sit motionless, curled up on the couch, pondering this and that. It's early. Thoughts don't fully form yet and that's more than alright. I wonder what must be going on in houses and offices around the world, where now is not too early to be awake and functioning. I think about our country and wonder the inevitable, will things ever change?

We stayed in last night. Andy made Indian food, and we voted. Some decisions were easy, some took more reading and thinking, and some I couldn't decide and so I went with my gut. But really, isn't that all voting ever really is? Going with your gut? I mean, really, what else is there?

Either way I'm glad I voted. But one thing still gets to me...at the top of my ballot, the heading on top of the list of candidates it states:

"Your vote for the candidate for United States President and Vice President shall be a vote for the electors supporting those candidates."

So does my vote actually count? Not if I vote against the electors. Darn, I almost bought into the lie.

Who is Man...for realz this time

So, Who is Man is practically officially done (there may be a change in the website address we use as the tag, but as far as the rest of it, it's done).

The last version of the piece was my first attempt at anything like this ever, and a rough version of what was in my head. This final version feels so much better, has more polish, and is a bit more creative. I hope you like it...and if you don't I'd seriously like to hear it, just make your comment anonymously so I don't get my feelings hurt.

Don't be shy, go check out the final version of Who is Man I'm very proud of this version. I can't wait for it to get out and be seen. And really I hope it helps Gutenberg College attract more students, cause that's the point.

Click on this Who is Man LINK
Enter the password: gutenberg
And...do it.

I'm also so ready to get going on the other two videos in the series. I'm collaborating with my husband and Kasey on this so that's another really good thing about it. I think most creative endeavors are better when they're a collaboration.
ANNnnnnnD. I'm out.

sometimes love surprises you

There was a time when you loved him just because. There was a time when you loved him because he smiled and held on tight and made you feel gushy inside. There was a time when you loved him, even though it was tough, but because you had history you loved him.
And then there was the time when you loved him because you got to know him in a way you'd never known him before, his personality, his likes and dislikes, his temperament, his shy behavior, his excitement when he sees you and runs and grabs onto your legs...

I'm of course talking about Zain...(for this post anyways, but in reality, I feel like this about most all kids, and especially all the kids in my family.)

There's and a journey love seems to take when you watch a baby from month to month - sometimes from a distance, and at times with months in between but - the child grows and changes before your eyes, and the love I have for all my these kids grows and changes too.

This was the French family's first trip to see our new house...with a little one in tow and one on the way, you can see how few and far between visits like this may be, and so we cherished it.

What should I begin with? To answer all of the classic questions first, I'll just say, "yes."


Yes he opened and shut doors and cupboards. Yes he took dvd's off he shelf. Yes he wanted to help shut the fridge door every time it opened. Yes he ended up playing with tupperware on the floor. Yes he wanted to play in the cat dish. Yes the cat ran away from him and hid under the bed the entire time he was here.

But more importantly, he has a personality all his own and I love him for it.
He looooves couches and so he would sit and squish and bounce and roll all over the couch, for like, ever.



He also loves shoes, or bringing people shoes, or helping people put on their shoes, or maybe he just loves going outside and this is his way of telling you, "let's go outside." I don't know for sure which part of the shoe thing he loves, but the point is, he walks over to where your shoes are and brings them to you and holds one while you put the other one on, and watches intently as you do.



Don't ask me how he knew, cause Andy has like 3 pairs of shoes by the door, but Zain went and got the ones he'd been wearing earlier and brought them to him and held one while he put one on and then watched while he tied the second one. Too much. Look how serious he is about the whole thing.



He also loves Andy. Like goes to him and asks him to pick him up. Sits with him at the table, not like every minute of every day, but enough to make me melt a little bit inside.



And he's shy. Soo freaking adorable. This is one of his shy moments.



Oh and he loves Magic (the gathering)



...BOXES.

He also pitched in with the laundry. So that was cool.



Check out this freakin adorable family. Bam!



And another boy is on the way. So lock up your daughters now, cause if his brother's half as cute as Z...oh and they're also going to be genius level smart, I know it's not fair.

Weekend visit countdown.

Today we woke up, Andy made me breakfast in bed, I was lazily signing up for NaNoWriMo, and writing my earlier blog, and then we proceded to clean the house...we're awaiting the arrival of our dear friends, Andy & Jen. Along with them will be little Mister...you remember little Mister...









Well...he's grown up...he walks, talks-ish, and is a little person



What am I going to do with a little person in the house? I guess we'll see how things would be if we had a little person of our own in the house...no I'm not announcing anything mom and marianne. :-)

Stay tuned for pictures from our weekend adventure...if I can get him to stand still and pose for a photo or two.

I guess it's like a contest

I'm officially signed up again this year for the National Novel Writing Month. You can keep track of me on the NaNoWriMo website, my profile is moxie.girl. You can only view my profile if you sign up to participate, so why not? Go ahead. Write for a month and see what happens.

This year I'm taking an approach to writing for the NaNoWriMo a bit differently. This year I am working on a collection of short stories. Stories that I'll sit down and write, not a novel by novel standards, but then again, for me this is a practice in writing discipline, not to produce a work that I'm utterly in love with and that fulfills all of my dreams of the work I'd want published.

Comment if you're doing NaNoWriMo this year too and tell me your profile name so we can encourage each other throughout the month. If you're not participating in the writing, check back here for updates on my progress and unedited excerpts of my stories.

OH. One more thing. Happy Fall, this is the best time of year, enjoy being outdoors while you still can.

Shameless self promotion

The Pushplay Blog is back into the swing of things...meaning regular updates, behind the scenes photos and new video posts will be coming at you for days, weeks, and months to come.

So. Go check it out. Pushplay Blog
Add it to your list of Favorites, and add me to your favorites while you're at it.
Bookmark it

Become a follower, tell your friends, link to us, help get the word out about our business and our work. We'd appreciate the support.
Thanks. and Do it.

I'm pushing PUBLISH with my eyes squeezed tightly shut.

So here's the deal. The video was debuted yesterday at the Gutenberg Oktoberfuss event. Although it received rave reviews, I was less than ecstatic. The guy sitting at the sound board, seemed to, well, how do I put this? He didn't take much pride in doing a job well done.

Not only did he not size any of the videos properly, but he didn't turn the volume on until after it began...thus people missed the beginning of each video. Annnd. More to my dismay, he had the treble turned way up and the bass completely down. No bass means no impact.So the painstaking effort I put in to hit certain beats was completely lost.

I'm uploading the video right now on to Vimeo. But since there hasn't been an official "approval" and since I'm a super perfectionist about certain things, there are a few adjustments I want to make, I'm not making the video live. But. Before you have a little moment, I'm providing the Vimeo Link and password here for anyone that would like to go watch it.

Vimeo Link: Who is Man
password: gutenberg

I'm obsessed with this project

As some of you know, there are two things simultaneously being fed right now. My creative endeavors and my desire to give back. I am working on a video/web spot for Gutenberg. There is no live footage. No actors. No voice talent. No gear or camera work. No shoot days. No director. No crew. No craft service. No P.A.

There is a list of quotes. There is amazing, originally composed music. And there is me.

I took off a day and a half from work this week and created something I'm very proud of. Of course there are things I would go and tinker with. I am a closet perfectionist after all. And, unfortunately, it hasn't been debuted and approved yet, so I can't post it here. But if you are one of the few readers that will be at Oktoberfuss today...well. Don't be late coming back from lunch. You'll be one of the first to see it.

I'm proud. Really proud of what was created by a few talented people's collaboration and my obsession with the project and Gutenberg. It simply, and effectively asks you to join the conversation (a tag line I came up with and am super proud of the impact.) It is hopefully the rough beginning of a seamless online campaign to attract new students and attention for Gutenberg.

I just keep getting these little urges to go back and change a few things here and there...ah...let it go. Let it be.
I'll post it as soon as I can.

feelings.

I've been in a mood of something I can't put my finger on. If you ask my husband, he'll probably tell you it's due to my cycle in someway. But I think it's more than that. For some time now I've been sad about the state of the world, and most recently, the U.S.

It has a little bit to do with my job I think. I love my job, everyone knows that, and that's not the point, the point is more that after I work really hard on a project, for days, hours, months even, and I've neglected my relationships and my house, and myself. Well, I sort of wonder what it's all for. Why did I work so hard? Yes, I needed to pay the mortgage and all the other bills. But, is what I'm doing actually important to the health of the world, the state of society? No. Absolutely not.

I feel like I should make some public service announcements or something...you know like how celebrities make the Vote ads? At least they're sort of making a difference (?)



I think a bit of this stems back to my teaching days, when people would respond to my job with comments like:

You are doing such a selfless, wonderful thing (not really, they pay me)
That is one of the most under appreciated professions, good for you
Your mother must be so proud
What an honorable thing, to give of your time like that (it is true, I did give a lot of my free time to teaching...and this usually fell under the "they don't pay you for that" column)

But anyways. My job now receives comments like:

That's so cool
Your job is so great
You are so lucky
Oh I would love to do that
Your job is so exciting

And all those things are true, along with my job is stressful, and hectic, and time eating, and long hours, and crazy. And again, I love my job. But really? What am I actually doing?

It's funny that I'm going to say this, but one of our clients is Reach Group Consulting and Lisa Johnson, who wrote Mind Your X's & Y's which, granted is a marketing book, but touches on insight that is honestly relevant and true about Gen X and Gen Y.
Anyways, she talks about a Give Back spirit that resides in our generations. The idea that while we love our computers, music and technology, we also have a desire to give back, to volunteer, to make a difference in the world around us and at large.

I have to say, when I was a teacher I think this desire was satisfied through the impact I had on children and their families. If they struggled with reading, I worked extra with them and their parents to come up with a strategy that would work for them. If they were going through a hard family time, I would give them extra attention on the playground and provide them with a safe environment or be there for their parent to listen and encourage.

But I wasn't doing it for praise, or even really thinking about it, I just did it. But now. Well, I think it's been a while and I'm feeling a gap of sorts.
So. I'm working on it, it sounds weird to say it, but I guess I'm working on giving back, volunteering my time for a cause or something I care about. I can't donate money right now, so I'm donating talent.

I'm working on something right now that's in the very beginning stages, but I'm really excited about it.
Stay tuned.

boo-YA

After the men returned from their ride, we had a party of sorts.
happy birthday this guy



and a going away for this guy


All in all, a good time was had by all. Now for my favorite picture from the night.